Of Tigers and Feathers – Day 93

Today, I’ve been wondering about the line.

They say to know yourself, to know what you want, and then to manifest what you want into your life.
They also say that true joy is letting go of what you thought you wanted, what you think you wanted, and to let go and let life and let universe.

They say that in order to draw love towards you, you must first be happy within yourself, that you should not be desperate and seeking.
They also say that when you let the universe know that you don’t need love, then the universe will skip by you when giving out the goods.

They say that we can never truly know what makes us happy, that fixation only brings suffering, and that happiness comes from detachment.
They also say that we can never truly own our lives unless we work for it, that good things come only to those who strive towards it.

They say to know what you want in a mate, to know your boundaries and needs, to communicate your desires clearly.
They also say to never go shopping for love with a list, that way lies a clear path to being a grumpy old person with too many pets.

So which one is it?

Of course, the ancients would say: moderation in all things. Walk the central path and all will unfold as it should.

Easy enough to say, isn’t it?

Right now, it’s night and I want to be touched with love. I want my hair brushed. I want to curl up in someone’s lap and be cuddled. I want skin privileges, to run my hands over someone, to explore their body with my own, and to be held close.

I want to lie in the dark and talk of everything and nothing, to hear the slow deep breathing of someone else, and know that there’s an embrace open to turn into.

If I’m to be honest, I want cock. I miss having access to one. I miss being able to play with it, and watch it do the weird things cocks do.

I miss the feeling of believing I’m wanted for myself, the luxurious beauty of being desired, the security to be found in being tethered.

I miss having someone to do things with, to take long rambles with, to eat and laugh with. I miss being able to reach out and have my hand held.

It’s the balsamic moon in Scorpio tonight. The time of the balsamic moon is a time to let to, to release attachments, to reflect and clarify. Being in Scorpio probably intensifies the need and perhaps the riches gained from turning within.

The question now, as ever, is what to release, what to reflect upon, and what to consider for the turnings ahead. I look to the sky, but I see no stars, only rain.

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