Set up for the scene:
I get to work and the back door is unlocked. My parents and brother (when not at college) live here, but it also doubles as my father and my place of work. Big house: five bedrooms, 2.5 baths, basement, attic, den, living room, dining room, and kitchen, and too many doors between it all.
I text my brother.
Me: The door to the house is unlocked…. Are you home? I am very creeped out since I remember licking the door and testing it yesterday. Locking.
Brother: Take a knife and search the house
Note: the reason for being that creeped out is because I distinctly remember testing the door to make sure it was locked before I left the previous day. I had already had a bad experience once when my dad had left on a business trip earlier in the morning and the door was unlocked when I got to work later that afternoon. I took two large chef knives and walked through the house checking every closet, under all the beds, shivering the entire time.
Me: <= scared What if they have a gun?
Brother: I think they're probably gone with all the valuables that are portable.
I walk tentatively into the dining room and call into the house: “Hello? I called the cops!”
Me: The tv and thermomix are still there. (Both extremely expensive items)
Brother: Go to my room and check if my laptop is on the chair. And plus, TV is too big to be considered portable.
Me: …..GUNS????? I mean, this is SCARY, dude! And the dumb boys didn’t come so I am alone. (The kids I tutor)
Brother: It’s ok sis. Hold ur phone on ur left hand with 911 ready. And a knife in the other?
Me: Nice. You only have one sister you know.
Brother: Well what are u going to do then drive back home?
Me: Yeah Dad is getting back today. I will pick him up from airport
Brother: Ok if my laptop is stolen I’ll charge u
Me: It probably is already gone!! If I die, I will charge you!
Brother: Ok sure
Me: Bet you it is gone.
Brother: Then it would all be ur fault lol
Me: Why? I locked the door!
Brother: Maybe u didn’t
Me: Someone broke in! I always test it to make sure! Esp. when no one lives here during the week cuz I don’t wanna have to take a knife and search the house. You are the worst brother ever
Brother: Well this never occurred when I locked the door
Me: Thieves probably saw no car and just broke in
Brother: It didn’t happen last week And the week before last week
Me: It only needs to happen once! Bad brother!
Brother: So where are u now
Me: What if I dieeeeeee! Outside the house. I shouted “I called the cops” into the house and came back out.
Brother: Lol So he probably ran away from the front door ?
Me: Hopefully? Maybe hiding in the attic waiting until night to kill us all.
Brother: Only u I’m at school
Me: No only dad
Brother: Or dad. Haha. It would be irrational to not escape And wait till the owner is back home
Me: They are THIEVES!
Brother: Stealing is a rational act
Me: Not true! Too much risk!
Brother: Haha when ur desperate u’ll do anything to live
Me: So they might shoot me and steal everything!
Brother: What if they don’t have a gun ? U can stab them and gain honor !
Me: Most ppl are bigger than me! And I suck at pvp!
Brother: For the horde!
Me: You don’t even PLAY horde, alliance filth!
Brother: In that case for the alliance! Blood and thunder !
Me: Blood and thunder is horde! You two-timing traitor!
Brother: I’ll try and get you reinforcements. Hold the line!
Me: Is Jacob around? I can just go pick up dad.
Brother: LOL. Yes, calling for reinforcements, hold the line!
Me: >.> ok. I’ll try not to die.
Brother: Reinforcements is on its way. Search house with knife ! Or knives.
And we did.