Archive for the ‘Random notes in the life’ Category

New Year’s Eve of 2015 – saying yes to hope

Beautiful post on Saturn moving into Sagittarius. I wanted to quote, but I ended up wanting to clip the entire thing, so  I suppose y’all will just have to head over and read it.

And yes, it’s for everyone, even if you don’t believe in the quackery:

Fortunately, miracles aren’t granted only to the holy, the pious or the righteous. Miracles aren’t saved for the popular kids that are so #blessed. That’s privilege and it’s a human construct that has nothing to do with actual blessings. Miracles are something much more interesting. Miracles are taking place all the time. In big ways. In teeny-tiny ways. Inside every life. Miracles simply exist. Without our force. Without our coercion. Without our manipulation.

Every time you love out loud you are opening a space for a miracle to enter. Every time you seek to create a safe and just world for all you are helping miracles to occur. Every time you remember that your liberation is bound up in the liberation of every other being on the planet, you have been granted a miracle. Every time we remember and act on the fact that we are all here to serve one another, we have been part of a miracle.

Say yes to the miracle. Say yes to hope.

Even though we may carry past traumas and abuse. Even so.

And on this New Year’s Eve, I’d like to take a step towards not carrying all that anymore. It happened. It sucked. Let’s talk it to death and figure out what lessons were to be learned from all that tragedy, and for fuck’s sake – let’s move on.

If:

Saturn in Sagittarius might also be asking us to harness our faith, show up for what we believe in and offer our lives as sites for the miraculous to occur.

Then, yes.

2015 has been difficult and illuminating.

Even so, I have much to be grateful for. There have been beautiful moments, all the more so because of the contrast of loss and anger.

What I want from 2016: Health. Love. Story. Joy.

Thus my goals:

I’m committing to showing up. Every day. No excuses. No whining. No nothing. I get the day off if I would have called in sick to work, but otherwise, no. But if it is one of those days, leading into #2….

I’m committing to self-forgiveness. It’s okay to fuck up. It’s okay if I tried my best and it didn’t net me what I was looking for. If it’s a bedridden day, it’s a bedridden day. Suck it up buttercup, snag another book off the TBR pile, and just settle into your blankets.

I’m committing to loving myself first. Put on your oxygen mask before you worry about others and all that jazz. Questions: Are you fed? Are you watered? Have you had enough sleep? Are you warm? Are you calm and centered? If not, drop everything and fix it. The car ain’t gonna go nowhere if the engine’s shot. I am the thrust behind my life’s trajectory; it is only sensible to make sure the rockets are functioning at all times.

I’m committing to boundaries. Say no to users and abusers. Say no to other people’s emotional labor. Say no to non-reciprocity. Say no to everything that drags you down. Say no to stupid fights that won’t get anywhere. Just. Say. No.

It’s New Year’s Eve. I have a map, a full belly, a comfortable ship, and the horizon extends beyond infinity. Let’s go, shall we?

Update update update

I’m back in Taiwan. Yes, the use of “back” is interesting and I might need to stare at my navel for a bit at some point. I’m somewhat settled in, by which I mean I’m over the jet lag and there’s a bit of an idea of how my daily routine is going to be, but it’s by no means clear in any way.

Suffice to say that living with my parents again at my age when I haven’t really lived with them in any formal capacity for long periods of time since I was about twelve is going to be interesting. Right now I have my brother to run interference, but things are going to change again when he leaves at the end of August, which I’m not looking forward to. Although, I’ll get the proper room with the proper desk, so it might not be that bad.

Everything has a price and all that.

It’s also interesting because I’ve spent months in Taiwan in the past years but it’s always been a “guest” or “touristy” sort of way. It’s going to be massively different now that I need to navigate daily life without Amazon Prime and access to a car for grocery shopping and without disposable income. Part of it definitely is that my parents are going to lose patience with me and I with them at some point and I cannot cross my fingers hard enough for it to be later, much later, rather than sooner. Like three years from now kind of later.

Quick notes:

For those who are curious, the one-bag traveling method really worked for me and I’m completely sold. I did get very very very tired of the same five dresses over a month, but for shorter trips I don’t see why it would be a problem. The only thing that I didn’t use on a regular basis was the hair dryer and then it proceeded to burn itself out, so there was that. Everything else I ended up using and I didn’t regret bringing anything. Not even the blanket.

Note for travelers to Europe – depending on the BnB or hostel or Air BnB, the size of the comforter can range from minuscule to not-quite-big-enough to adequate. Some of the single beds, which I think were somewhat more narrow than I remember single beds in the US being, had comforters that were precisely the width of the bed and no more. For someone like me who likes to cocoon… I was very grateful I brought my blanket.

I will note that the Aeronaut 30 that I got for this trip really was slightly on the smaller side even though I found it with a 15 pound load to be on the heavier side for my abilities. My blanket had to be toted in a separate bag, for example, even though it was compressed to the size of a pillow. I found myself wishing that I’d gotten the A30′s larger sibling, the A45, at various points along the trip. I couldn’t buy any souvenirs because there was absolutely no wiggle room, which was both a boon and a curse.

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Due to various reasons, such as the state of my health, my mental acuity, living under my parents’ roof and therefore being subject to their schedules and whims, when I start working on the writing again, I will likely be taking a lot of my shorts and publishing those before I get back to work on Phoenix Awoken, book two of the Phoenix Saga.

To be honest, part of that really is because shorts are easier and I do have a backlog of shorts that I need to tweak and toss out, but part of it is also because Ariagne out-performed Chosen by a pretty large margin, both in sales and in KU borrows.

I have no idea why, absolutely none, because reasons really could range from the fact that the historical romance section is notorious for being glutted to the possibility that Ariagne is a better story to my oversight in not dancing around the fire ten times for good fortune when publishing Chosen to…the gods only know.

So, not knowing, that means I’m inclined to work on what I think readers will be interested in. And even if readers don’t end up falling in love with my shorts to an overwhelming degree, it’s still going to be easier on me on multiple levels if I focus on those rather than on Awoken for the moment.

For those who care, worry not, I will get back to Awoken. For those who really want their fix, feel free to contact me about a beta read of what I have for Awoken. It really needs quite more structure and overhauling than I expected. The good news is that once this is done, three should be much easier. The difficulty lies in adequately setting up the relationships so that suspension of disbelief will continue unabated, even with readers who aren’t traditionally into such things. Once that’s accomplished, however, everything should be downhill sledding from there.

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So that’s it for now. As always, comments, emails, heck, discourse of any sort welcome.